Earlier this week I read This Star Won't Go Out, a book containing the early writings of a girl named Esther Grace Earl who was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at 12 and passed away at 16 and the memoirs and writings from the people she left behind. There are some books that are written slowly and must be read quickly, this is one of those golden books that play on people's heartstrings and make them questions themselves and the people around them considerably. Now I'm not going to write a book review other then that it was great and you should read it and that is all I am saying; if you want to find out if you like it well go read it yourself, ya lazy bum! My friends and sister are going to question why I did not post my humorous dialogue on the finding of the singing pretzel card but somethings are more important.
I'm a teenager and I'm kind of self-centered and I can be mean and I can say things I shouldn't. Sometimes I make stupid decisions and feel guilty over stupid things and not guilty about the things that I should feel guilty about.(my english teacher would call that sentence a run on) Sometimes I laugh to loud and sing too much and my sarcasm gets me in trouble. Sometimes I'm irrational and I cry when I'm mad or when I'm sad or just because I have tear ducts and I want to use them. Sometimes I feel powerless and other times, like there is nothing I cannot do because the world is at my finger tips.Sometimes I want to curl up in my onesie under my quilt with some tea and re-watch all three seasons of BBC's Sherlock(cough cough Benedict Cumberbatch). Sometimes I'm immature and others I convince myself I'm horrendously independent. Some days I don't think anybody understands and others I am in harmony with everyone I meet. Sometimes I don't think before I speak or the say things that I meant to. Some days I question myself about what I'm doing and what I've done. Sometimes I judge too quickly and hate people. Sometimes I'm funny and quirky and absolutely insane, while sometimes I'm moody and snarky and angry. Some days I feel hated. Most days I feel loved. Sometimes I have great self-esteem and other I don't. Sometimes I know my dreams will come true, sometimes I falter. Sometimes...I think MY star will go out.
Esther Earl lived her life through her computer. Not because she wanted to but because she had to. She influenced great, good people like John Green and tried not to judge but only to love. I am not Esther Earl, but I can strive to be like her. I question myself because I'm not sure I'm a person my friends can look up to, but as a teenager I've been lucky enough to find friends with passion for what they have and do and dreams that I'm sure they can achieve...I've found friends I can look up to. I look up to celebrities and actresses and long-dead people. I don't do this because I have to, but because I need to. I'm a teenager and I need role models. Little did Esther realize that she was going impact the life's of so many people, but boy did she want to. That's a dream to me. To be able to look through the face of death and say, "I'm going to try to get through you but if I can't, I can say I tried and impacted people on my way."
That's really all I have to say today. Basically just an insight on teenagers(or..um...at least kind of me...ermm I guess) really. I promise no more philosophical blogs for awhile! Definitely try to get your hands on a copy of This Star Won't Go Out as soon as you can and of course, R.I.P Esther Grace Earl. Thank you for being awesome and reminding me that if your star can shine bright so can mine. Jewel.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I'll Stand by You.
Hey Guys! Yoo-Hoo! I'm back! Let's not talk about the fact I haven't blogged since...well...um...forever...let's focus on the future!(Ok, I've been lazy, sick, busy, not busy, lazy about this blog but the second tries the charm right?)
I guess I can give you a quick life update...so here it goes:
My sister Kenna, who I love to share crazy adventures with, has gone to Florence, Italy for five months to study abroad. I'm gonna admit it now, tears were shed, however they were partnered with a jealous excitement.....and then just excitement when I found out that my mom and I are going to visit her in April! Basically 12 days(without traveling included) of sorprendente(amazing) Italia! Meanwhile, coming back to the present I've been over flowing with school work, music lessons, Sherlock marathons(my new FAVORITE show), a Swing Dance,the return home of my best friend Madison Crider, and a million other activities and day to days of course! That's basically the quickest update I can give you before I go on!
Anyway, over the last two months I've been really appreciating and noticing the love of my friends and also observing 'acts of friendship'(not to be cliche) among the people around me. In an age where social networking rules a teenager's life and the Instagram feed has to be looked at at least every two hours, we forget about what are friends do for us. I can say I'm guilty as charged, I spend way to much time on my phone whereas I should be talking to people that are physically in front of me...can it be a late new year's revolution to change that?
I have a group of friends that I can honestly say that I am not only a better person with them, but that I'm the person I am because of them. Now sit down. Don't take that in the way I know you will, in the way where you think, "Teenagers have to be their own person, learn and grow on their own and not be under peer influence." I think you have to stop right there. As a teenager I see people being influenced by everyone in every manner, in clothes, the way they talk, the jokes they make, the limits they set for themselves, and the paths they choose; it's just human nature. Who better to set as a role model than someone you know you can be right now because they are standing right next to you? I'm lucky enough to have great friends that influence me positively, but I find myself not in anyway against the teens who aren't following a "good path" because although it's their decision to make, it's influenced by the people they surround themselves with and the people they grew up with.
Friends are one of the hardest things about high school. The arrows point that basically someone isn't going to like what you do, they're not going to like what you have to say, they're not going to like how you dress, who your friends are, or what your dreams are. Yet that's something beautiful and scary and all together confusing about high school, YOU have the chance to choose because it's your only true time to experiment and fall and experiment and fall until you get it right or you don't. Your parents might not like your friends and what they represent, I think that's ok because they are your friends not theirs. That girl doesn't like your shirt, it's a good thing she didn't buy it then, right? There comes a time when you have to stop listening to the hum of what other people think and listen to the steady beat that is your own decision, especially as a teenager.
I'm not writing this to say, "Go defy your parents, your teachers, and everybody else's opinions and rules." I'm writing this because I'm just now realizing this for myself and that was partially through the guidance of my friends and family. This is a thank you to the friends who have stood by through everything I've put them through and for everything that is to come. This is to the parents that I turned to earlier this year and said, "I want to be an actress." and although my mom went, "Can't you please pick something else that is soooo hard. That is such a hard thing for a parent to hear," I found myself in a acting class about two weeks later. This is to the friends who tell me I'm funny and beautiful and make me laugh so hard I can't breath and I start clapping my hands together and making a noise somewhere between a wheeze and a dolphin. This is to the friends who when I say, "I want to be remembered and I want to be an actress," didn't just reply with a "good luck to that" they said, "I know you can do it if you try, it might take you a long time, maybe even ten years, but if you try I know you can succeed...and when you do don't forget about me." This can be to so many different people because they haven't controlled my path but they've influenced it and now it's up to me to make something of it. Stay magnifico!(splendid in Italian...yah I'm brushing up on the Italiano!) Jewel.
I guess I can give you a quick life update...so here it goes:
My sister Kenna, who I love to share crazy adventures with, has gone to Florence, Italy for five months to study abroad. I'm gonna admit it now, tears were shed, however they were partnered with a jealous excitement.....and then just excitement when I found out that my mom and I are going to visit her in April! Basically 12 days(without traveling included) of sorprendente(amazing) Italia! Meanwhile, coming back to the present I've been over flowing with school work, music lessons, Sherlock marathons(my new FAVORITE show), a Swing Dance,the return home of my best friend Madison Crider, and a million other activities and day to days of course! That's basically the quickest update I can give you before I go on!
Anyway, over the last two months I've been really appreciating and noticing the love of my friends and also observing 'acts of friendship'(not to be cliche) among the people around me. In an age where social networking rules a teenager's life and the Instagram feed has to be looked at at least every two hours, we forget about what are friends do for us. I can say I'm guilty as charged, I spend way to much time on my phone whereas I should be talking to people that are physically in front of me...can it be a late new year's revolution to change that?
I have a group of friends that I can honestly say that I am not only a better person with them, but that I'm the person I am because of them. Now sit down. Don't take that in the way I know you will, in the way where you think, "Teenagers have to be their own person, learn and grow on their own and not be under peer influence." I think you have to stop right there. As a teenager I see people being influenced by everyone in every manner, in clothes, the way they talk, the jokes they make, the limits they set for themselves, and the paths they choose; it's just human nature. Who better to set as a role model than someone you know you can be right now because they are standing right next to you? I'm lucky enough to have great friends that influence me positively, but I find myself not in anyway against the teens who aren't following a "good path" because although it's their decision to make, it's influenced by the people they surround themselves with and the people they grew up with.
Friends are one of the hardest things about high school. The arrows point that basically someone isn't going to like what you do, they're not going to like what you have to say, they're not going to like how you dress, who your friends are, or what your dreams are. Yet that's something beautiful and scary and all together confusing about high school, YOU have the chance to choose because it's your only true time to experiment and fall and experiment and fall until you get it right or you don't. Your parents might not like your friends and what they represent, I think that's ok because they are your friends not theirs. That girl doesn't like your shirt, it's a good thing she didn't buy it then, right? There comes a time when you have to stop listening to the hum of what other people think and listen to the steady beat that is your own decision, especially as a teenager.
I'm not writing this to say, "Go defy your parents, your teachers, and everybody else's opinions and rules." I'm writing this because I'm just now realizing this for myself and that was partially through the guidance of my friends and family. This is a thank you to the friends who have stood by through everything I've put them through and for everything that is to come. This is to the parents that I turned to earlier this year and said, "I want to be an actress." and although my mom went, "Can't you please pick something else that is soooo hard. That is such a hard thing for a parent to hear," I found myself in a acting class about two weeks later. This is to the friends who tell me I'm funny and beautiful and make me laugh so hard I can't breath and I start clapping my hands together and making a noise somewhere between a wheeze and a dolphin. This is to the friends who when I say, "I want to be remembered and I want to be an actress," didn't just reply with a "good luck to that" they said, "I know you can do it if you try, it might take you a long time, maybe even ten years, but if you try I know you can succeed...and when you do don't forget about me." This can be to so many different people because they haven't controlled my path but they've influenced it and now it's up to me to make something of it. Stay magnifico!(splendid in Italian...yah I'm brushing up on the Italiano!) Jewel.
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